I am eager to support you in getting 2018 started in ways that can have a positive and dramatic impact on your family!
We are 8 days into the New Year, the holidays are over and so are the incentives we created for our kids to “behave” better.
How often in these last few days and weeks did we yell out, “If you don’t ____, then you won’t get _____ this year!” Let’s be honest with ourselves.
How likely were we really to commit to NOT giving our son/daughter that thing on their holiday wish list?
Chances are the outcome would not have resulted in a box of coal, am I right? We’re all guilty of dishing out threats or consequences we’re truly not willing to follow through on and our children are keen to know that they are ineffective Empty Threats.
Now that the “Elf on The Shelf”, or any other variety of persuasive antics we come up with, are no longer in season we find ourselves right back where we were pre-holidays: yelling, frustrated, kids not listening, tired of the same thing repeating itself and we’re likely thinking “what else can we try?”
The real question is … why do our sons and daughters revert back to their bad habits? It’s because the motivation to “behave” has been lying externally to them and it was the idea that someone was “watching them” and keeping score of their naughty or niceness. The root of their behavior was not linked to an internal drive for “doing the right thing.” I’m here to say, we can cultivate this!
It’s a New Year and a GOOD TIME to turn the page on old and ineffective habits that don’t serve us or our children. (Click To Tweet)
Enjoy these 2 TIPS you can use to cultivate the conditions for our kids to internally connect and “buy into” doing the right thing:
1. Rewards for Positive Behavior: Take stock on how often (and in all the little ways) you use rewards like prizes, candy, toys, etc to get your child to do something. OK, let’s start reducing this approach as your go-to method.
One of the most POWERFUL and POSITIVELY ADDICTING things we can do for our kids is have them experience the personal benefit of doing the right thing or a job well done. Neurological studies show that when we perform good deeds, we release oxytocin and activate regions of the brain responsible for empathy and compassion. This natural high is priceless and will keep them wanting to do right and good much more often.
2. Clear Expectations: Ever find yourself yelling at the kids in frustration of all the things they “should” already know by now?!?
Maybe the kids yell back or start crying saying...
“You never told me that _______.”
“How was I supposed to know ______.”
“I swear … I didn’t know!”
“I didn’t know that’s what you meant?”
Well, this is a flag that perhaps our expectations haven’t been clear after all.
Take some personal time between you and your partner to identify some clear, constant and consistent expectations you’d like to see become more established in your home.
Give these a try a drop me a note. I’d love to hear what worked, how you implemented or even any challenges you may be having in putting any of it into practice.
Lingering thoughts? Got something on your mind?
As always, yours truly is certainly available and share with me what's going on between you and your child.