Last week I listened to an interview with Tal Ben-Shahar – an author and lecturer at Harvard University who currently teaches the largest course on “Positive Psychology” and the third largest on “The Psychology of Leadership.” Needless to say it was an awesome interview and so much of it I related to the leadership of parenting. One of the highlights from the interview that really resonated with me was how he simplified mindset into 3 categories: JOB, CAREER, or CALLING .
Just because the categories seem fitting to the workplace, don’t be fooled. It is absolutely akin to the work we put in as parents. He says, “how you approach a situation matters.” In describing the 3 categories above, he first provides context by referencing the following happiness study and then provides a great parenting example.
My mom was always great at letting me know that Valentine’s Day was not just about romantic love, but also a day of honoring the love between parents and their children.
For as long as I can remember, my mom would have a sweet loving card prepared for us with one little sweet treat to accompany it. It wasn’t a day for gift giving or trinkets. It was kept simple and made to be about the heartfelt words and actions of love and appreciation both my parents expressed to each of their kids. To this day, my parents still send my husband and I Valentine’s day cards by mail – and to my children as well.
This past weekend was my son’s 8th birthday and like you, with each birthday, I look at my child in awe and wonder with all that transpired over the course of the year and his cumulative eight years. As I wrote in his birthday card, “I love you with every bit of my soul and my heart fills with so much love that sometimes I let it out with tears of joy and happiness for the gift that you are to me every day in being the boy and son you are.” For his birthday this year we made it simple. He was surrounded by his inner circle of family (sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins) that love and adore his most precious essence.
Our family lunch was at nearby restaurant we frequent and the kind of place where everyone knows your name - it was all “just right.” As I looked on like a silent observer throughout the day, it was magical to watch my son genuinely feel the love and appreciation of who he is and what a gift he is to our lives. When I put him to bed that night he said, “Mommy, I really had a great birthday.” With so much to kick off a new, different and great 2018 I know this will be a year where so much positive change and transformation will happen in your relationship with your children. As Joanne Tsianos and I keep inching our way to the final touches of our 5-module Parenting E-Course, I’d like this week’s message to touch upon ways we can keep developing a grounded and resilient child. I received many positive emails and direct messages on my social media pages from last week’s boost on “caught stealing” – including notes from parents and grandparents! I think it’s because the very moment was so relatable while my response to my child felt like, “Wow! I don’t know if I would’ve been able to remain calm and handle it the same way.”
Here's one response: "Wow! What a beautiful story. I don’t know what I would have done in this situation. I definitely may have gotten really upset and made the situation worse. Thank you so much for sharing." - Kristin Dunnigan As a fellow mom, I am here to say I am no different than you. Yes! You too have what it takes to shift, adjust and intentional craft a more empowered conversation in those hair-raising times. I too have my setbacks and then re-think my next step to get back on course. Sometimes it’s a “do-over,” an apology to my kids on how I could have done it differently, maybe even admitting to myself that I expected something in the moment that they weren’t capable of meeting or perhaps that it’s time to take a stronger lead in “teaching” them my expectation with built-in time for practicing it. |
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