You ever have those moments when you’re in the midst of “laying down the law” in your house and all you get back is... “Mom! You're Not Nice!”or “Mom, I hate you!” or “Mom, I feel like you don’t love me.” Do you come back with just a few more fighting words, retreat in horror that your child uttered those words, or stop in your tracks not knowing what to do next? Well, you’re not alone. Our head is saying one thing and our heart is feeling another – cue in mommy guilt!
Our head (logic & pragmatic) wants the clear cut, rule abiding, appropriate, “yes” saying child that would make everything just so much easier. Our heart (feelings & emotions) wants to find compassion and empathy as we co-create this nuanced relationship. So how do we get back on course and integrate the head’s need for order and routine, and the hearts need for flexibility / understanding / connection?
Take a moment to picture tomorrow night's homework struggle.
Just as the typical chain of events starts to unfold around getting homework started, you tap into your higher (more conscious) self. You engage your mindfulness muscles and take a bird's eye view of the storm that's about to unleash.
You regulate the bubbling frustration that's beginning to percolate inside your chest just as your child says, "I hate this homework. I don't care if I don't finish." You remind yourself this is not about you and you're not taking this comment personally. You're taking a few deep breaths and remaining calm.
You don't take the bait and you have no reaction to what your child has just said. Instead, you look for ways to connect with your child's emotions. You lean in and get close to your child, perhaps even have her sit on your lap.
What's the first thing your kids do in the morning ?
I came across this recent online article from The Chopra Center titled, 10 Morning Habits to Start Your Day Off Right.
When we intentionally become aware of the little things, like the routines and habits of the morning, we can more consciously and deliberately set the intention for a low stress morning and a successful start to the day. How much more at ease and motivating is it (for everyone in the house) when things run just a bit more smoothly?
In the article the author identified different habits that are easy to implement to encourage a climate right within our homes to meet your best self (and I'd add ... best parent). Making Your Bed was one of them and I thought,"how perfect" for all of us parents who might still be making our children's bed. Have you been hearing about "social-emotional learning" ? It's become quite the buzz word in our NYC Public Schools and certainly one that my children's school is embracing. All I can say is that I am elated about this shift to truly merge the academic world with the social-emotional component of scholastic success. This excites me even more because it's absolutely in complete alignment with conscious parenting.Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a contributing factor to raising self-awareness and consciousness. So what exactly is E.I. and how does this relate to parenting?
E.I. is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. Whether or not we do this well in our parenting, isn't this the exact task we're called to do every day when STUFF comes up with our children? Isn't this at the essence of our parenting? |
FREE Checklist
3 Steps To Connect With Your Kits Click image to see larger view. FREE Report
7 Levels of Conscious & Mindful Parenting Categories
All
Featured Posts |