Here's a quick boost to get you ready and inspired for the week: 1. What's behind it?: Whenever our children are "acting out" or misbehaving, there's a reason behind it. What we're seeing and observing is a symptom of something else our child is trying to tell us. Tap into your mindful & conscious self and connect with your intuition and your gut - you most often have the answer.
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“Clean your room. Pick up your toys, Be nice to your brother. Stop running around. You’re gonna get hurt. Sit still. Why do I have to yell & repeat myself all the time for you to listen? As we seek to Stop Battling & Start Connecting, an important anecdote to our constant demands and phrases like those above is to stop focusing our attention around & constantly highlighting all that’s not working, going wrong or not done well-enough. To start truly connecting with our kids and get cooperation, then we need to flip our attention and focus on how our words can instead empower, motivate and encourage positive results on a deeper level with our children.
Let’s delete the critiques and begin validating the internal qualities and skills that our child is demonstrating in their efforts and actions. So here’s an example: If our child is running around and distracted during soccer class we might find ourselves getting frustrated and be inclined to yell out or pull our child aside and say, “What are you doing out there? You’re not paying attention. Do you even want to be here?” And off we go with the critiques. When we come from a place of validation (we have an entire module about this on the course), perhaps during the next water break in the soccer class you can say, “Wow, you’re really running a lot out there today. It looks like you’re having fun and getting some good exercise. What do you think about checking in with coach to see what you can practice on since you’re doing so well with running?” Then, if you see it’s still relevant, once the class is over you might want to check in and say, “So, how’d you like class today? I noticed you put good effort into (and fill in the blank with specific qualities and skills the child demonstrated). It was good seeing you do more of that.” And right there you’ve engaged in a more authentic and positive connection with your child. It is so much more valuable and reassuring for a child to hear more of what is working, good, thoughtful, helpful or insightful about what they’re doing so they are much more likely to repeat it. Now go ACTIVATE your best parent! Take the week and weekend to implement this approach and observe what shifts you make between you and your child(ren). As always, keep me posted as I love hearing from you or drop a note on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram! Do you find yourself doing too much (or everything) around the house for your kids and your family? Are you often feeling frustrated that if it’s not done by you, it’ll never get done? Of the many things discussed in my e-course “Stop Battling & Start Connecting!” … (READY on April 16th!), I get into the importance of identifying age appropriate family contributions that you can begin putting in place so that the kids can also begin adopting a team mentality to helping the home run with an “all hands on deck” mentality. As we make the conscious choice to parent from a more self-aware and mindful perspective, this choice invites us to take an honest look into ourselves - stepping back to notice the subtle cues and clues that have delivered the unspoken message to our kids don’t have to be part of the day-to-day upkeep. How often and for how long have we been the ones to take the lead in picking up the papers/crayons/markers off the table, packing up the school bag when homework is done, putting away the laundry in their drawers and closets, cleaning up the spills and left over food, making the beds once everyone is out of the house or even having the dance/soccer outfit laid out and ready to slip on and go?
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