I am eager to support you in getting 2018 started in ways that can have a positive and dramatic impact on your family!
We are 8 days into the New Year, the holidays are over and so are the incentives we created for our kids to “behave” better.
How often in these last few days and weeks did we yell out, “If you don’t ____, then you won’t get _____ this year!” Let’s be honest with ourselves. How likely were we really to commit to NOT giving our son/daughter that thing on their holiday wish list? Chances are the outcome would not have resulted in a box of coal, am I right? We’re all guilty of dishing out threats or consequences we’re truly not willing to follow through on and our children are keen to know that they are ineffective Empty Threats. All I keep hearing is ‘I want …’ and ‘I have to …’ way more often than any appreciation of ‘thank you’ or even the hint of giving back. It’s driving me crazy. These kids don’t appreciate anything.” Let me ask, have you rattled off some version of this sentence before? Like most of us parents, I’m sure you have. After this thought starts to sprout, what tends to happen next? Yup, we fall prey to getting on our soap box of all the other families and children around the world who don’t have enough food, clothes, shelter and toys.
Even though we feel compelled to say it, how much does it actually resonate? Sure, our kids might “get it” for a moment but often it becomes a fleeting moment motivated by guilt that has little sustainable impact. You ever have those moments when you’re in the midst of “laying down the law” in your house and all you get back is... “Mom! You're Not Nice!”or “Mom, I hate you!” or “Mom, I feel like you don’t love me.” Do you come back with just a few more fighting words, retreat in horror that your child uttered those words, or stop in your tracks not knowing what to do next? Well, you’re not alone. Our head is saying one thing and our heart is feeling another – cue in mommy guilt!
Our head (logic & pragmatic) wants the clear cut, rule abiding, appropriate, “yes” saying child that would make everything just so much easier. Our heart (feelings & emotions) wants to find compassion and empathy as we co-create this nuanced relationship. So how do we get back on course and integrate the head’s need for order and routine, and the hearts need for flexibility / understanding / connection? Have you been hearing about "social-emotional learning" ? It's become quite the buzz word in our NYC Public Schools and certainly one that my children's school is embracing. All I can say is that I am elated about this shift to truly merge the academic world with the social-emotional component of scholastic success. This excites me even more because it's absolutely in complete alignment with conscious parenting.Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a contributing factor to raising self-awareness and consciousness. So what exactly is E.I. and how does this relate to parenting?
E.I. is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. Whether or not we do this well in our parenting, isn't this the exact task we're called to do every day when STUFF comes up with our children? Isn't this at the essence of our parenting? |
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