I know fall has arrived but we can always be planting seeds.
Like many of us trying to figure out this conscious parenting thing, one of the most subtle yet highly conscious things we can do is use our daily language to plant seeds of expectations, faith and confidence that our children can "do it" and empower their capacity, courage, skills and problem solving abilities.
So how exactly does all this play out? Well, when we set the expectation that our child(ren) can do something, more often than not they end up doing it. Simply by expressing the confidence in their ability to "come up with something", tackle a situation or take on some sort of responsibility ... this thought will linger in their mind and be left ruminating in their subconscious.
Whether or not our children consciously think about the seeds we've planted, a part of them will be working on and figuring out ways to meet the expectation or come up with the solution.
Let's say your child says they don't know the reason why there's water all over the floor, or it's the blame game of "who did it and who started" in a sibling fight, or they don't want to apologize to a playmate/friend because they "don't know what to say."
This technique can be helpful to empower our children to come up with their own ideas & solutions instead of waiting for us to "fix it" or tell them what to do.
Here's some language on what planting the seed would sound like...
* "I'm going to ask you again in a little while because I have complete faith that you'll come up with how water got all over the floor. In the meantime, let's grab a towel and clean this up."
* "Both of you are responsible for fighting with each other. I am confidant you both can fix it. When you have done so, then call me over and I am happy to hear what you came up with."
* "When you figure out the apology, what will be different between you and your friend?"
Where this technique gets difficult for us is ....
1. When we're not patient enough to wait for how and when our children will come up with their idea and present their solution because their timeline is not our timeline. When we choose to use this approach, it's important to honor and allow time for them to work through the problem solving.
2. When we get stuck in the labels that we've created for our children and believe them to be true - making it difficult to see how/where to empower them in such circumstances. The labels I'm talking about are things like: "You're always making a mess"; "Don't give me another one of your lies" ; "Why do you have to make this so hard? Just apologize. You're never going to keep your friends if you don't learn to"
There are so many layers to peel back when we make the choice to parent more consciously and indeed a vulnerable task to take on. However, as a reader who opens and reads my weekly boost, I know you have what it takes to do this parenting thing differently.
Something about it all tugs at you and I invite you to lean in and listen. What would it be like to access more of your Level 4 and Level 5 conscious self as you connect and build your precious relationship with your children.
Have questions? Want to jump on a call ? Curious about what you've read or heard? Drop Me a Note and let's chat! I'm here to support you on your parenting journey.